“Someone I love struggles with binge eating, how can I help them?”

Lucy Newport • December 6, 2022

Reading time: 8 mins

Perhaps your partner, child or close friend has told you that they binge eat, or maybe you’ve picked up on some of their behaviours that point to binge eating. And you of course want to be there for them, however you’re just not sure what to say or how best to support them. 


That’s okay! In this guide, we’re going to look at what you need to know about binge eating, and how you can help them in the most loving ways.


Understanding binge eating

Generally, many people are unfamiliar with binge eating, especially as an eating disorder so don’t be hard on yourself if you don’t know much about it, if anything. And binge eating has lots of misconceptions around it too; we often believe that the person struggling just needs more willpower or should be able to snap out of it. 


But neither of these things are true. People who binge are often incredibly disciplined, but there are two parts of them batting it out; the part that needs the binge and the part that wants to recover. And this inner battle can cause a lot of suffering. 


Getting a good understanding of binge eating is a great place to start. I’ve written a guide looking at what binge eating and binge eating disorder are, so I highly recommend you take a look at this.


Beat is the UK’s leading eating disorder charity and has a great page explaining binge eating disorder here too. 


It's also helpful to know that most people keep their binge eating a very guarded secret; there can be a lot of guilt and shame surrounding it. And so this person has likely shared this with you from a vulnerable place and is trusting that you will have their best interests at heart. 


Ask them how they want to be supported 

The kind of support needed to help in healing relationships with food and body will be different for everyone, so it’s best to ask what they need and expect from you. 


Maybe they want someone to listen to and understand them. Perhaps they need financial support for help from a counsellor, therapist or coach like myself. Maybe they simply want you to know and need space to be able to decide the best next steps for them. And this in itself can be incredibly helpful. 


At least initially let them guide what they need from you. As time goes on and you feel like they’re either not progressing or slipping backwards in their recovery, then you might want to take on more of a guiding role yourself, if it feels appropriate. This could be anything from buying them a highly recommended book on binge eating or researching the best external support options for them. 

Allow them to let go of weight loss as a goal

An important part of binge eating recovery for many people is to intentionally stop trying to lose weight.

There are lots of reasons why people binge, and one of the most common leads to what’s known as “the binge and restrict cycle”. This starts when someone feels insecure about their body, particularly about the size and shape of it and diet or restrict food in order to lose weight. For some, this dieting can trigger a very real and urgent physiological and psychological need for food, and this can lead to a binge. The cycle continues when they then feel the need to “make up” for the binge, and so continue to restrict their food, again driving them to binge. To be able to break this cycle they need to let go of the desire, for now at least, to lose weight. 


When they stop trying to intentionally lose weight, it also gives them space to work on healing their relationship with their body. This might look like learning to accept and love it exactly as it is, eating for true nourishment as well as pleasure, and exercising to feel good. 


If you recognise their behaviour in the binge and restrict cycle I described, I have a free 5 part mini-course you might want to make them aware of. It’s all about how to free themselves from the binge and restrict cycle, without feeling uncontrollable around food.



Be patient with them

In my experience and from what I’ve witnessed in others, binge eating recovery can take some time, though of course not always. Some people binge eat for years and so there might be a lot of unlearning that needs to take place, whilst rewiring new thoughts, beliefs and habits. 


Recovery also isn’t a one-size-fits-all. They may have to try several different approaches until they find what works best for them and this can include working with more than one professional. There may also be tough patches where they seemingly slip to point zero in their recovery, but this is part of it and can be used as an opportunity for understanding themself better. It’s all information and it can all be helpful, if allowed to be. 

Give them space

The hard truth is that recovery for most people isn’t easy. It takes big, fundamental change, self-inquiry and reflection and this can be really uncomfortable for many reasons. One of the best ways that you can support your loved one is to give them the space that they need to do this important work in their recovery. 



Show them they are loved

Because we are talking about loved one’s here, make sure they know that they are loved by you! If they’re your partner and you find them beautiful and sexy, tell them. And compliment them in ways that have nothing to do with how they look, especially the size and shape of their body. Let them know that you love how they make you laugh, that you feel safe with them, that you enjoy deep conversations with them; whatever it is for you. 


If you’re a parent, make sure they know that you love them unconditionally. That your love isn’t dependent on the shape and size of their body, by how much they eat, exercise or anything else. 

Make sure you’re also supported

If this loved one is leaning on you a lot, and you’re finding it a challenge, that’s okay. Perhaps you also need support. Do you have someone that you can talk to, either someone close to you or a professional? If you feel as though the help you’re giving is too much, or you’re out of your depth, communicate this to your loved one. Perhaps now would be a good time to look into the right external support together. 


Remember there is never any shame in reaching out and asking for what you need.


Reflect on your own relationship with food and your body

This isn’t essential, but you might want to use this as an opportunity to look at how you yourself relate to food and your body. Again, it’s not easy, but it can create huge positive shifts in all areas of your life! It will ask you to look at all the ways that you’ve not been loving and accepting yourself. Even harder still, it will ask you to acknowledge how this has affected others, including your loved ones. 


If you decide to use this opportunity, I take my hat off to you. I truly believe that each of us doing this work on ourselves, and reflecting those changes back out into the world is how we’re going to create sustainable and lasting change. And with the number of people struggling with their body image right now, we need this. 

Keep an open conversation going

Binge eating can be a very hard thing to talk about, especially if someone doesn’t feel like they’re making the progress they want. Your loved one bringing it up in the first place likely took a lot of bravery and so help them by keeping the conversation going. Keep it light, open and touch base regularly. 


A couple of helpful opening questions you might want to ask include: “What, if anything, has been coming up for you [in your recovery] lately?” and “Last time we talked about binge eating you mentioned X, how’s that been?”. 



I hope this guide has helped you to feel better prepared to support your loved one. My ex-partner and I are currently co-writing an interview-style article as a part-2 to this one which you may find helpful. Mark was with me through the majority of my own 14-year challenge with binge eating and is sharing his own experience and advice. Watch this space…



You might also want to know that 1-1 Binge Free & Worthy coaching can include updates and support for loved ones where needed. For the Hussein family, this has been a parent session every three months.

“Lucy has worked 1-1 with my two daughters (18 and 21), supporting them through various challenges such as anxiety, insecurity and anger. I love that her coaching isn’t just talking-based, and that she teaches practical techniques to use when these challenges come up day-to-day.


Her sessions also include yoga and breathing techniques which have really helped my daughters to release tension and feel much more at peace within themselves. 


My husband and I have noticed big shifts in our girls since working with Lucy; I feel like I am getting them back.”


- Aysha Hussein