“Why do I feel unworthy or not enough?”

Lucy Newport • March 6, 2023

Reading time: 7 mins

Worthiness, self-esteem, being enough or acceptable; whatever you want to call it, most of us grapple with this feeling of “not enough” from time to time.

Sometimes we try to remedy this feeling by working our way out of it. Perhaps trying to lose weight, getting a well-sought-after job, buying on-trend clothes or ticking off more travel destinations. Other times we want to push this sense of lack away, numbing it with food, social media and other fleeting pleasures.

But the truth about worth, real worth, is that it has nothing to do with what you look like, your social media follower count, your job title or how much you’ve achieved. It runs much deeper than that…

What is worthiness

Worthiness, I believe, is something that needs to be felt and isn’t fully understandable simply through words, though I’ll try my best.

Perhaps you’ve heard or read a phrase like “You are worthy simply because you exist” and you’ve rolled your eyes - I certainly have! These words can sound trite or idealistic when that sense of worthiness simply isn’t your experience. But, there is a realness underneath these words. And this is why I believe practices like meditation, yoga, EFT tapping, breathwork and Qigong are so important. They can put us directly in touch with that underlying sense of acceptance that connects us with all that exists.

To me, this sense feels like a never-ending and self-sustaining stream of love that flows through us all. Now, I know we’re starting to get a little “out there”, but stay with me!

Perhaps you’ve experienced this feeling yourself in a yoga class or whilst watching the sunset over the sea. Those awe-inspiring moments where you feel that all is well. This is the sense of harmony where worthiness comes from. This feeling can’t be impacted by what you look like, how successful you are or how you’ve styled your home. It just is.

The wound of separation

Most of us are disconnected from this sense most of the time, and this is sometimes referred to as “the original wound” or “the wound of separation”. This wound, like any wound, is painful. And that’s why we try to soothe it with food, shopping, social media, Netflix and everything else.

You might wonder, “but if this feeling of love, worthiness and connection is so wonderful, why do we do these things that keep us separated from it, rather than connecting to it more?” and that is a great question.

This is where the ego comes into play. The ego is often referred to as our sense of self and in spiritual teachings, it’s known as the part of the mind that is always talking to ourselves - planning, worrying, defending, fantasising and everything else our minds get up to! The ego can get a bad rap, but ultimately it’s the part of us that just wants us to feel safe, loved and accepted.

And it makes sense. We are a culture that relies on one another. In past times, if someone was rejected by their tribe, they would have to rely solely on themselves for food, shelter, and self-defence. Rejection therefore might mean death and the inability to pass their genetics along. It’s no surprise therefore that the ego is such a hard-wired part of ourselves.

The challenge is that the ego is totally identified with itself. It doesn’t want us to connect to this underlying feeling of love, worthiness and safety because then there wouldn’t be any use for it. And so it creeps in with doubts, tells us what is wrong with us and what we need to do to be better.

Maybe you’ve meditated before and found this open-hearted and connected state hard to stay with. On one hand, it feels amazing, but on the other hand, it feels too much, like you want to wiggle out of it, or like you’re being involuntarily pulled away. This is the ego drawing you back, keeping you “safe” in the way it knows how.

Opening to worthiness

There are always going to be people who are more intelligent than us, more conventionally beautiful, earn more money, have nicer things, go to more interesting places and have cooler friends. Knowing this can create a deep sense of unease; if there are always people who are “more than” we are - where does that leave us? For some, that’s in a state of anxiety, depression or even existential crisis.

This is why it’s helpful to practise detaching your worth from external markers. Instead, take time regularly to get quiet and open yourself up to the richness of worthiness and peace that is already there, just below the surface. Let yourself receive it.

You don’t need to try to become “egoless”, that will likely be an unfruitful venture anyway! Instead, you can be aware that you are acting as the ego you, whilst at the same time being aware that you are part of something much, much bigger. This is where that regular spiritual practice like meditation or yoga will help you.

You’re not changing a “thing”, you’re changing the beingness in which all “things” in your life are born. Read that twice! In this place of beingness or presence, the affirmation “I am worthy” becomes superfluous. Instead “I am” is all that’s needed.

You can still wear the clothes and make-up you enjoy, work to provide well for your family and take trips to exotic locations. But it means that you’re no longer attaching your worth to the outcomes - whether negative or positive (because it works both ways). You may find that you no longer have the need for draws of make-up, the drive to lose the 8 pounds you’ve been working on for years, or a loan to get the latest iPhone. Instead, you may uncover hidden passions and find yourself doing the things you’ve always secretly wanted to do, but didn’t believe you were worthy, cool or good enough to go for them!

Binge eating and unworthiness

As we’ve touched on, a sense of unworthiness can manifest into the desire to lose weight. There is the belief from the ego that if we’re slimmer, we’ll be more loveable, acceptable and safe. We’ll have the relationship we want, be admired by our friends, get offered the job and everything else we dream up. And so we restrict our food, exercise more and perhaps fall into a binge eating cycle.

Other times the emotional weight of not feeling enough gets too much and so we soothe ourselves with comforting food. Over time, this can create patterns of binge eating or eating in an unconscious way whenever we feel uncomfortable emotions. Events also happen in our lives, small and big traumas that further open up the wound of separation. We eat to numb the pain.

This is why I believe that an important part of binge eating recovery is recognising and healing this root cause; tending to our sense of worth and uncovering the things that truly light us up in the process.

My coaching, whilst being incredibly practical and tangible, has this thread running throughout, and that’s why I called it Binge Free & Worthy. As well as learning steps to move through binge urges and tools to help you be with and release uncomfortable emotions, you develop the ability to receive the worthiness that is already yours.

Here is where everything changes.

If we all did this, I truly believe that we’d all feel a lot more contented and the world would be a much better place. We would be more appreciative of what we have, use fewer resources, have more time to spend doing the things we genuinely enjoy and be kinder to one another.

"Our whole spiritual transformation brings us to the point where we realize that in our own being, we are enough." - Ram Dass

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Hungry for more? Here are some extra resources for you

“Is there a connection between binge eating and being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)?”

By Lucy Newport • April 2, 2025

Wondering if binge eating is connected to being a Highly Sensitive Person? This article explores the links between the two and shares an approach to recovery for you.

“What’s the difference between emotional eating and binge eating?”

By Lucy Newport • July 17, 2024

Reading time: 6.5 mins Perhaps you’ve found your way to this page because you’ve noticed that you use food to comfort yourself when emotions like stress, sadness and boredom come up. Maybe you’re feeling like your emotional eating is out of control at times and that just worries you more. And perhaps you’ve heard the term “binge eating” and you’re wondering if that’s in fact what you’re doing. If so, you’re in the right place. In this article, we’ll look at exactly what emotional eating and binge eating are and their main differences. For those of you who resonate with being a highly sensitive person, an empath or someone who just feels things in a big way, we’ll also look at how this sensitivity can play into emotional eating and binge eating. This is all about better understanding your own behaviour so that you can expand your ability to be with uncomfortable emotions, improve your relationships with food and your body and even get the right support for you on this journey, if that’s what you want. Now, take a nice long and full breath and let’s explore… What is emotional eating?

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lucy@bingefreeandworthy.com