“Why do I need to stop trying to lose weight for binge eating recovery?”

Lucy Newport • February 20, 2023

Reading time: 6 mins

If you’ve been on the binge eating recovery path for a while, it’s likely you’ve heard that an important part is letting go of weight loss as a goal. And I know this is such a hard thing to be told for most of us. You might really want to lose some weight! So, in this guide, we’re going to look at why letting go of weight loss can be such a pivotal step in recovery, and how you can make peace with it. 



Okay, so - why?


There are lots of reasons why people binge eat and develop binge eating disorders. One common reason is linked to the pursuit of weight loss and what’s known as “the binge and restrict cycle”. This cycle begins with a belief that we are unworthy or not good enough and that we will be more acceptable and lovable to ourselves and others if we lose weight. 


What then happens is that we restrict our food and exercise more with the goal of weight loss. This can look like dieting, fasts, counting calories and macros, “just being good”, intense exercise and tracking calories burnt. After a period of restriction, we usually experience physiological and psychological urges for food (such as regularly feeling unsatisfied when eating, lack of energy, and panic when you don’t have snacks with you). When these signals get ignored they get louder and louder until we “give in” and binge. 


After a binge we usually feel bad about ourselves, recommit to our weight loss goals and the cycle continues. If you are someone who has been in this cycle for a while, perhaps you’ve noticed that just having the thought that you ought to start trying to lose weight triggers a binge. This is part of ‘mental restrictions’ which can also include labelling foods as “good” or “bad”, feeling shame about what you’ve eaten and the other ways you talk about food and your body in your head. 



Pursuing weight loss can be a distraction

Hopefully from the above, you can see how trying to lose weight can actively play a big role in bingeing. You might also notice that weight loss doesn’t actually address the core wound; feelings of unworthiness or a deeper discontent. 


Yes, you may lose weight. You may even reach your goal. And in doing so you’ll likely feel good about yourself, receiving praise and compliments from those around you. But what often happens is this reinforces the belief that we are only worthy and lovable when we look a certain way. With that belief comes even more pressure to stay at that weight so, the weighing, diets and focus on body size remain prominent in one's life. 


Many of us also have the expectation that when we lose weight, we’ll feel good about ourselves. When this doesn’t happen we begin focusing on other parts of our appearance with more insecurities creeping in - maybe the lines around your eyes, muscle tone, the shape of particular parts of your face or body. Perhaps the desire for even more weight loss. 

What’s more, it’s widely acknowledged in the scientific community that long-term weight loss due to dieting and restrictive eating is uncommon. A 2018 meta-analysis of 29 long-term weight loss studies found that “more than half of the lost weight was regained within two years, and by five years more than 80% of lost weight was regained”. A 2016 study that followed the contestants of the reality TV show “The Biggest Loser” over 6 years after the show finished has some interesting insights on this (it blows my mind that this show even existed). They found that the bodies of the contestants were actively fighting weight loss, slowing their metabolism right down. After the 6 years the winner of the series was using 800 fewer calories at rest than expected, every day. 


Of course, it’s worth noting that not everyone who diets, fasts or restricts their food in any other way is going to start binge eating. But many of us do have complex relationships with food and our bodies. The results of a 2020 survey by House of Commons Women and Equalities Committee [UK] found that 61% of people aged 18+ feel negative or very negative about body image all the time. That’s a lot of suffering right there, much of it unnecessary. How do you feel when you consider the amount of time we collectively spend judging and trying to change our bodies instead of enjoying what we have? It’s pretty heartbreaking.




Still feeling the resistance?

That’s okay, so did I for many years. And so I want you to ask yourself one simple question, allowing yourself to be totally open to what comes up. Here it is: “has trying to lose weight overall helped your relationship with food and your body or has it hindered it?” You might even want to break out your journal (if you use one) or go for a walk as you ponder this question, noting all the different aspects that come up. 


If you’re reading this it’s likely that your focus on weight loss has taken you further away from your natural, healthy relationships with food and your body. Again, that’s okay. When I came to this conclusion for myself I was pretty upset and frustrated. Eventually, the only thing I could really do was to surrender to it all. I even had to grieve the loss of this idea of the perfect body shape I had been wanting for so long. Eventually, over time I was better able to accept that this is where I was at and simply allow it to be as it was. From this place, binge eating recovery was able to happen much more easily. 

You may also be thinking “but I need to lose weight for my health”, and of course improving your overall health is what this is all about. Again ask yourself that question: “has focusing on weight loss helped you to improve your long-term health, or has it taken you further from it?” Remember that health isn’t just about your physical body; it’s about your mental, emotional and spiritual states too. There are plenty of ways that we can improve our health, without it being all about weight loss. Paradoxically, taking the focus away from weight loss and over to other areas of your health may even lead to long-term weight loss. 


Remember that here we’re talking about binge eating recovery. You may find that down the line when you no longer binge eat and you’ve made peace with your body, you do want to lose some weight. I believe that long-term weight loss, without messing up your relationship with food and your body is possible for many, but is a whole different conversation for another time. 




What to focus on instead?

When you let go of weight loss as a goal, suddenly there is a whole lot more headspace and time to focus on your binge eating recovery. There are plenty of different paths to recovery and everyone’s is different so it’s helpful to spend some time understanding what’s behind your binge eating. One way to do this is to start exploring what’s behind your binge urges in the moments that you experience them and notice what patterns come up.

Do you binge when you’ve been around certain people or to a particular place? Is there a typical time of day you binge and if so, what happens in the lead-up to it? Do you binge when you’re trying to avoid certain foods? Do particular emotions such as boredom or anxiety trigger binges? Explore and use your reflections as your starting point. 


If you resonated with the idea that your desire to lose weight stems from underlying feelings of unworthiness or not being good enough then diving into this will be key in your recovery. This often isn’t easy work because these beliefs can be so embedded, but my goodness, it’s incredibly worthwhile work which will touch all areas of your life! 


Of course, if you feel overwhelmed by this information or know you’ll need support, reach out and get it from a therapist, counsellor or coach who specialises in binge eating. I have a guide to help you find the right type of support for you, as well as a guide to help you find the best level of support.




Painting at the top of the page: The Three Graces, Rubens