Emotional discomfort often feels like something to avoid but it can be a powerful gateway to growth. A personal story of transformation in binge eating recovery from Binge Free & Worthy.

Reading time: 1.5 mins Originally shared as part of Inbox Reflections - honest, heartfelt emails to support your binge eating recovery as a highly sensitive woman. There’s an outdoor swimming pool where I live that I went to a couple of times with friends when I was about 13. People come here to swim but also to hang out and lay in the sun. What I primarily remember about going back then is how insecure and judged I felt in my body. I was very conscious that my friends wore cute two-pieces and I had a one-piece - not that I would have wanted to show my tummy anyway. I felt mortified that boys from school were there and imagined them rating or comparing our bodies. And I wanted to implode with embarrassment at that dark hair on my legs. I moved back to my home area a couple of years ago and have found myself at this swimming pool plenty of times during the summers. And you know what? Two things have really struck me… 1. There are people there of all shapes and sizes who are unique and beautiful in their own way. Seeing women who may not have the “ideal” body we’re told to aspire to just getting on with their lives and enjoying themselves at the pool is incredibly healing. Yes, they probably have their insecurities too, but those insecurities aren’t stopping them! 2. Most of the judgement I felt before came from myself. When I now see other people’s bodies with a whole lot more love and compassion, it’s easier to see my own in the same way. I also realise that when I’m telling myself that my body isn’t good enough to be seen, I’m essentially saying that about other people’s bodies. When I question whether that is true the answer is always “of course not!”, in which case, that can’t be true for myself either. I'm basically saying that your local pool is likely a great place to expose yourself to the realities of what most people’s bodies actually look like, and that you’re as worthy as anyone else of baring all and enjoying yourself!

Reading time: 3 mins, 30 secs Originally shared as part of Inbox Reflections - honest, heartfelt emails to support your binge eating recovery as a highly sensitive woman. How familiar are you with the “normalising” process in binge eating recovery? It’s the practice of not only allowing yourself the foods you tend to restrict (and later binge on) but repeatedly having them in your home and incorporating them into your meals and snacks. The normalising process is all about creating a feeling of safety and peace around these foods, and a deep knowing that if you truly want them, you can have them. When you trust this, binge urges (linked to food restrictions) no longer have a reason to exist and so naturally drop away. Although I stopped binge eating about 3 years ago now (🙌), I’m still in the process of normalising some foods, or at least making sure that I really, truly feel no tension around certain types. (You don’t tend to unravel years and years of disordered eating patterns overnight - though I do believe it can happen!) And I’ve noticed some things shift for me over the last couple of months or so… Firstly, pizza (which I held a lot of judgements around) used to be a big binge food for me. I’d try really hard to eat “healthily”, tirelessly making all my food from scratch, but a few days later, I’d find myself compulsively ordering Pizza Hut takeaway on my way home from work. It became a somewhat expensive habit! Instant noodles were a similar one. Now I LOVE noodles but again they weren’t something I’d allow myself to have at home and enjoy when I wanted. And so they became another of my “go-to” savoury binge foods and I’d often end up down the noodle aisle in Tesco of an evening. So to make sure that I feel completely at ease in my relationships with pizza and noodles (and don’t find myself slipping back into old habits), about a year ago I decided to have a pizza night and a noodle night every week! And it worked incredibly well… I’d buy a frozen pizza in my weekly food shop to enjoy after work and before heading out to the roller disco as my “fun Friday treat”. And the noodles I’d have on an evening when I knew I’d be tired and grateful not to have to cook properly, although I’d almost always made a side of greens to go with them. This continued most weeks until recently when I was writing my shopping list and noticed that I had no desire for noodles that week. There was no want, but also no “but I have to have it” tension. And so I simply planned something else to eat for that evening. Then a couple of weeks ago I was eating my Friday night pizza and halfway through thought “nah, I’m done with this” and just stopped eating it. I noticed that I was going through the motions and was actually bored of pizza. Again there was no desire, but also no deeper, underlying pull. I know right now that these two foods are truly “normalised” for me. They no longer have a hold over me because I know and trust that I can eat them whenever I want and that I will again eat them whenever I want (which I doubt will be before too long)! I wanted to share this little story to show you that no matter how crazy you feel around certain foods and no matter how much you binge on them, you can gradually, with compassion and awareness find peace with them. If you recognise that at least some of your binges are driven by diets and other food restrictions but have no idea where to start with normalising these foods, my mini-course Breaking the Cycle might be for you. During the course, you’ll get clear on the ways you’ve been restricting foods, identify the foods that have the greatest hold over you and begin this normalising process in a way that is created to help you feel safe and supported throughout. All the information about Breaking the Cycle is here , including options with 1-1 support if you feel you need that too. And if you have any questions about the mini-course, feel free to email me lucy@bingefreeandworthy.com

Reading time: 2.5 mins Originally shared as part of Inbox Reflections - honest, heartfelt emails to support your binge eating recovery as a highly sensitive woman. While spending time with loved ones recently, someone commented how a particular female celebrity had “such good legs”. A few years ago this comment would have thrown my mind into a downward spiral, making it mean something about me and my own legs. 2014 Lucy’s thoughts would probably have sounded like; “My legs look so short and dumpy compared to hers… I could never wear what she’s wearing… My cellulite would be on full view… God my thighs have gotten wide… I wonder what their training routine is like… I’ll Google it… Maybe if I cut my carbs and get stricter with my workouts my legs will look more toned… Urgh, summer’s not that far off, I should have started this weeks ago…" And the underlying feeling would have been “I’m not good enough”. However, in that moment I noticed how far my mindset had shifted and the comment seemed such an abstract thing to hear. It’s hard to explain, but it just seemed a strange thing to say and I wanted to ask “what do you mean by good?”. Of course, I understand that they were pointing out and praising her physical appearance. Her legs ARE beautiful and attractive! I want to be clear that I’m not saying that beauty and attractiveness are wrong in any way. To be able to see and admire beauty in its many, many forms is a wonderful thing. I’m saying that when you’re secure within your own worth, someone else’s beauty doesn’t have to change how you feel about yourself. From this place, you don’t get thrown into a state of judgement, food restrictions and over-exercising that just reinforces your binge eating patterns every time you come across someone who has a “good body”. Instead, you can see how they’re just another being, like you, living out this human experience as best as they can. And that’s a far more freeing and compassionate place to live from. What does having “good legs” mean to you? My loved one’s comment also got me thinking about how “good legs” could mean something so different to each of us anyway… When my disordered eating was at its worst, I was running most evenings, pounding the London pavements so hard I gave myself knee pain for years to come. My legs may have been a little slimmer and more toned at that time, but my knees hurt and it affected both my work and the things I enjoyed doing. (I was also deeply insecure, anxious and bingeing every night. So, not great.) These days, my legs are larger and softer - yes. But they’re also strong and my knees are pain free. My legs allow me to enjoy long walks, to have fun on my roller skates, to dig veg patches on the allotment, to connect to myself during my yoga practice, to stand (and dance!) for hours seeing my favourite bands play… From that sense, I would say that I love my legs and couldn’t ask much more from them! So, what does having “good legs” really mean to you? And what do your legs allow you to do that you’re grateful for?

The realisation I had at Christmas a few years ago which played a considerable part in my binge eating recovery. Read more.